I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
