I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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