One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
