I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
