dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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