I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
