That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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