i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
