its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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