I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
