something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
