So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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