I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
