last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
God I need to hump something, right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
