his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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