Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
