What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
