So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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