How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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