I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
