Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
