She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
