Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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