He passed out mid-signature
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
