We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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