we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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