Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
