she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
