sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
