Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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