Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
