I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
