They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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