i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
