There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
