so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
