he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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