it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
