I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
