my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
