god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
