my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
