Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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