She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
