So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
