big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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