Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
