I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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