so that wasnt chicken after all
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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