i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
