he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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