census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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