Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
