Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
