Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
