I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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