remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
