Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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