you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
