ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
