I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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