I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
